a letter.

dear james mcavoy, 

take me now. 

sincerely, 

me 

thinking.

it's probably not a good idea to wake up at the exact time you should be arriving at work. 2 days after learning that you're getting written up for being late. 

it's also not a good idea to go to the gym after having 2 margaritas. and a bean burrito. 

how to.

... lose weight. eat chocolate. and crackers. and peanut butter cup ice cream. with caramel sauce. and more crackers. then go to the gym to burn a fifth of the calories you've just consumed. 

... get fired. get to work late. the day after you've been told that you're getting written up for being late. 

... piss me off. be 50 degrees outside. in june. 

... be bloated and gassy. eat a salad. with broccoli. and then pineapple. and a bean burrito.

... feel dirty. watch the bachelorette. 

must remember.

i rarely wear my glasses. so sometimes when i wear them, i forget that i'm wearing eyeglasses and not sunglasses. there are 2 major differences between my eyeglasses and my sunglasses.  the first is that my eyeglasses are clear. the second is that my sunglasses cover half of my face. i must keep these differences in mind while crying on the freeway wearing my eyeglasses. because PEOPLE CAN SEE. and they think i'm sad. 

and they're probably right. 

feeling the need to declare.

• family circus is not funny. 
  
• today i killed a centipede large enough for me to be charged with manslaughter. though i would argue it was self defense. 
  
• i finally bought my ticket to olympia! or should i say i charged it... 
  
• methinks bankruptcy is in my future.

oh so productive.

today i...

• ordered 2 new books online
• realized that it may have been a big mistake to get the internet at home, as that's all i seem to do now
• didn't eat any vegetables
  
• tried not to cry while watching the family stone at the gym
• saw a cross dresser who looks way better in a little black dress than i ever could
• laughed out loud 4 times while watching the king of queens (oh doug, you and your silly antics always get me!)
• failed to call my sister
• did not poop
• washed a mountain of dishes

my life... filled with excitement.