my very own personal ad.

i’m a single, vegetarian living in milwaukee. my aspirations in life are to have a job i don’t hate and 14 cats (though i only have names for 6 so far). i’m looking for someone to do stuff with on saturday nights. i’m getting sick of hanging out with my roomate’s cat. she's got nasty breath. a few things i like...cheese, tv, drinking wine, watching movies, working out, and sleeping. everything else, i pretty much hate. other hobbies... i'm trying to learn how to cook. i've pretty much mastered beans and rice, but that's about it. what i'm looking for in a guy... a sense of humor, similar interests, no criminal background. also, no jags.

seriously, who could pass this up?

conversation with date ball.

conversation with date ball: part 1.

me: am i going to die alone?
db: i don't know!
me: am i going to die alone with 14 cats?
db: it's lookin' good!
me: am i going to die alone (a spinster) with 14 cats?
db: no question!

db, why must you taunt me so?

i'm gonna die alone.

i love this.

"so much to love, there's so much love. i watched him talking, sipping and swirling his wine, and i thought, "i want to remember this." and right then i wished for him, that he'd outlive me because i cannot imagine my life without him filling it up...he's my best choice. my best decision."

i'm so never gonna have that.

my dedication to the spinster life is unending.

they are.

he squeezed her hand as they stood next to each other, moments away from becoming husband and wife. it was sometime after seeing this that i stopped being cynical about their relationship. and came to the realization of just how happy they are going to be together. and then i cried. a lot. i cried more at this wedding than any other wedding i've ever been to. i cried at the rehearsal, and it didn't stop at the ceremony. i cried at the reception. and again when it was all over. and then i nearly cried the next day at gift opening when i heard what they had both secretly engraved on the other's ring.

the whole weekend went well, despite a snowstorm on friday that required a bit of regrouping for the rehearsal dinner. i had a great time and it was worth all the stress about the bra, the dress, the gift, the shoes, the ride home, the outdoor pictures, and the missing roomate and sister. i danced the night away and didn't realize until it was too late that my too small shoes took three painful chunks of skin from my right foot. holy cow does it hurt! and i don't see it healing any time soon, as all of my shoes seem to hit those three spots all too well. but again, it was well worth it.

now i'm in a bit of post-wedding depression that usually happens to me after another of my friends gets married - probably because of the gaping lack of a relationship of my own. not that i'm not happy for each of my friends - they've all chosen spouses that i more than approve of - but when i see them all together, it's a reminder of how far i am from being there. and it takes me some time to get over it.

so today i'm gonna turn up my christmas music (they're already playing it on the radio!) and do what's necessary to get myself feel better. it may take a few days, but i imagine that my hope for the future will slowly return.

it usually does.

screw you, walt disney.

after spending the weekend with my various engaged and married friends at another friend's cinderella themed wedding and while hearing all about my sister's new boyfriend, and the guy my best friend is seeing - i have come to one ultimate and undeniable conclusion. i.am.going.to.die.alone.

i suppose i'm really the only one to blame. instead of talking to any of the single guys at the reception, i spent the evening putting 5 tiny glass slippers onto each of my toes.

i think it's safe to say i'm no cinderella. and my life is no fairy tale.